Life as it is
by nivremous
Summary: COMPLETED. My Third Fanfic. Hi there! Keitaro Urashima here! My exgirlfriend Narusegawa invited me to attend the Tokyo University Alumni Grand Reunion Ball for the first time in years! I don't know what to do guys and gals! Naru or Motoko?
1. one

I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

**Life as it is**

**One**

**---**

**Saturday Night**

Have you ever dreamed of a happy ending? Well, I did. Who wouldn't?

Hi there everyone! Keitaro Urashima here. It's been a while dear friends. I guess you're surprised to hear from me again. And I bet you'll even be more surprised if I tell you where I am now and where I'm going. I'm on a tram. Yep… on my way to Tokyo University Alumnae Grand Reunion.

Hmmm… I could see that weird confused look in your face right now. What happened you ask? Well… it's simple. A week ago, I was happily minding my own business a thousand miles away from Japan. As a matter of fact, I was preparing my lecture notes for my next class. You don't know how hard it is to be an archaeology professor in Massachusetts. I got some real brainiacs in my class and most of the time the session turns into a battle of wits. Do I hate these smart jackasses? Well… to tell you frankly, I'm proud of them. It makes me smile to think that my students are studying so they can argue with me. And if that's the only way I can make them to focus… it's worth my time. It's amusing really.

Eh? Didn't you know? I guess _nobody_ knows what really happened years ago.

As everybody knew (to my long and ever lasting shame), it took me three years to finally pass the Tokyo University entrance exams. And during those years, I met a wonderful collection of people I dearly call – friends.

Their names? Well… there's that hot-tempered, quick-to-anger, brown haired goddess Naru Narusegawa. And then there's that sexy but rarely sober chic Mitsune Konno; uhm… we call her Kitsune. There's also that sword-maniac but real head-turner Motoko Aoyoma. There's that little genius with an appetite of four sumo wrestlers Kaolla Su. And of course, my favorite of them all, that sweet caring little wonder-cook-extraordinaire, Shinobu Maehara. I also met another sweet loving friend, although she's a bit… funny… in her own _funny_ way, but nonetheless, true and dedicated, Mutsumi Otohime.

Yep… I met them all and ever since then my life has been thrown into pits of chaos.

It was painful at first. I mean… being thrown unexpectedly as a 'kanririn' or manager of an all-girls dormitory, the Hinata Apartments. And considering that these weren't just your ordinary collection of well-bodied, pretty and gorgeous girls but also an embodiment of what we (history and archeology experts) call – _hell on earth_. Seriously… there wasn't a day when I find myself flying into the stratosphere… sometimes even higher than that, then landing painfully miles away from the Hinata Apartments.

Did I think of leaving? Yeah… did I ever?

All the time. I almost left one day, when I couldn't bear to myself to keep on lying to those pretty girls (we had a little misunderstanding, because they thought that I was a Tokyo University student, when in real life, I was just a cram student, who failed the Tokyo University exams twice). But for some odd reason, the brown haired goddess Narusegawa (who turned out to be studying for the Tokyo University exams at the same cram school I'm attending to) convinced the others and me to stay as a 'kanririn'. And if I only knew I'd be working like a slave day in day out complemented with daily or should I say routine bodily harm (punches, kicks and sword slashes) I would have shoved that offer right back into her face no matter how cute she was… I dunno… I was probably mesmerized by her face and the curve of her body or the fact that I have nowhere else to go might have been the real reason why I stayed and endured the torture.

Am I angry with them on what I've been through? Honestly… no.

They might just be a little bit rough (okay… now that's an understatement of the year) but with all the days I've been with them… I learned so many things about them and mostly… about myself.

For instance… Kitsune. Well… everybody thinks that she's just a lazy bum waiting for free or easy money to buy her bottles of sake, but the way I figure… she's a true friend who will always be there by your side when you need or don't need her. I've seen the things she went through for Narusegawa… and even though she doesn't know it… she helped me too. That's why… at some cold nights… I'd just pop up into her room and have a drinking session with her until midnight. They say the best cure for pain and sadness is a company… no matter what form. And Kitsune needed just that. Although I may never know what burden she carries… I'll be more than happy to be there for her… and she knows that. She's a very strong person.

Everybody knows that Motoko is the 'tough one' in the Hinata Apartments. I could see, by the way she dedicated herself to her sword-training, discipline and samurai ways. Well… she is indeed a very tough one. I can attest to that. I've been on the receiving end on more than one occasion of ALL her sword techniques… and it became so redundant that I managed to learn how to dodge them (yep… it's that often… believe me when I say I've been slashed countless times – on what grounds? For simply being a male). It's not funny. I did learn a little bit why she hates men so much. And I guess I can understand her fears. And being a weak and constant victim to her overzealous attacks did calm her nerves down. She could hit me again if she feel a little bit slighted… my pain is nothing compared to what she's going through. And if I can payback whatever problems men gave her… I could say – I did my job properly.

Kaolla Su has been the pain in my back ever since I became the 'kanririn' of the Hinata Apartments. Geez! Such strength! Coming from a little girl like her… well… considering the way she ploughs into any stack of food placed on her table, I shouldn't be surprised… but still. There was this funny story about me and Kaolla, because one cloudy night, Kaolla sneaked into my room and started hugging me (painfully) and obviously we were caught by no other than – Narusegawa (it was obvious… the way I screamed with pain only to be rescued with another kick in the head… can you believe my luck?). It turned out… Kaolla was missing her big brother. I guess inside that happy and energetic exterior is a soft and lonely little child seeking attention and care. And that's what I did. I gave her what she needed… which resulted to more – broken bones, electric shocks, etc.

With all these pain, there's one person in the Hinata Apartments I am truly happy to have met… and that's Shinobu Maehara. Her parents were having a hard time (can I say divorce? Wouldn't that be a bit rude to Shinobu?) when Shinobu became a tenant at the Hinata Apartments… and I can say I couldn't be happier with my decision to accept her. She was all a man could ever dream of – a great cook, gentle, honest and caring girl. She has always been there for me… what everybody else failed to see, Shinobu saw. Although… some of us would think of her as extremely 'fragile', Shinobu has shown strength not expected at her tender age. And I'm proud of what she has accomplished. Very proud.

Every time I recall the first time we met Mutsumi Otohime… it makes me smile… or chuckle. It took me years to finally understand why she did what she did. You know? That kiss… she kissed me one night at Okinawa beach which led to horrible misunderstanding with Narusegawa, and then unexpectedly… she also kissed Narusegawa before we left for the Hinata Apartments (which we got lost as well). Mutsumi has always been frank. And behind those thin lovely eyes is a gentle, caring and intellectual human being. Do you know that she can understand turtle language (although she tells me otherwise time and time again)?

Finally… we come to the girl I… hmmm… how can I put this without putting much of a stress on my part… sigh… we come to the girl I fell inlove with. Eh? What's with the shocked look in your faces? Wasn't it obvious? You can say 'stupidly' obvious. I dunno… every time she's around I feel… weird. I feel… weak. I feel… inadequate. Sigh… every time she's around, I felt like a loser. Yep. Some kind of insecurity problem eh? O well, that's how Narusegawa makes me feel. And I guess I can't change that no matter what I do or how many years I try to convince myself that she's just like any other girl.

But she's not.

Narusegawa… is special. For me atleast. She could be stubborn some times. She could be harsh too. Quick to anger. Brash. Arrogant. But all the time I bothered her or embarrassed her (well… I usually come up into her room when she's changing 'by accident'... some weird force was at hand during those tender years of mine… very weird indeed) she continued to help me. And I'm grateful with that. I probably wouldn't have passed the Tokyo University exams without her. She's been there for me when I'm down and she always push me to move on no matter how hard or impossible (in my case, that is!) the task was. I couldn't ask for a better study buddy. Or a girlfriend.

I was inlove with her back then. But it wasn't meant to be.

Sigh. Sometimes the only way to heal a wound is to feel the pain until it doesn't hurt any more. I can still feel it though. That pain. It still hurts you know.

Anyway… I don't want to get mushy on you. We got plenty of time for that. As I was saying… I was minding my own business a week ago preparing for my next lecture when a letter arrived. And guess what? An invitation for Tokyo University Alumni Grand Reunion. And do you know who signed for it? Yep… Naru Narusegawa, campus head teacher.

The moment I read that letter… concluding with a genuine hand written signature (not those copy types that is so common these days, especially with the banks) from Narusegawa, I felt like drowning. I couldn't breath. My face was all hot. My hands were shaking. I couldn't concentrate at all. It's been years since I receive anything from Narusegawa, let alone a personally signed invitation. Or was I just fooling myself? Probably I was. And a pathetic question came into my mind… _am I this desperate for her?_ Yep… it's pretty low alright. Especially coming from a man who has been honored and admired by several professors all over the world (and I don't mean to brag or anything… its true… have you seen my website?) I feel pretty low right now just saying that.

Honestly? Is this all I am? A man dreaming for a woman who doesn't want me. And until now standing and reminiscing in this tram I'm asking another logical and reasonable question – why now? After all those years… I mean… this is the first time in years that I received such invitation. I'm pretty sure I missed a LOT of Tokyo University Alumni Reunions… surely… this can't be the first and only one? Could it?

Weird… isn't it? Could there be another reason? And what should I do if I see her again? What should I say? Will I ever find the strength to look her in the eyes and casually talk to her? I mean… what should we talk about – aside from… you know?

Sigh. I heard a song on my plane to Japan… about something like – first love never dies… what's that another one? Lovers can never be friends.

/Cling/

That's my stop. Ooooh… my hands are shaking. I could hear that interminable Tokyo University Pledge song now. It brings back lots of memories that one. Anyway… I have to go now my friends.

Wish me luck.

Where's that ticket that's included on the letter? Hmmm… not in my pockets… not anywhere… o my gosh… please… don't let it… AAAAARGH! I LEFT IT IN MY HOTEL ROOM! GEEZ! WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW? WOULD THEY LET ME IN? AAAAAARGH! HOW CAN I BE SOOOOOO STUPID?

AAAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

Good luck Keitaro. Cheers! 

nivremous


	2. two

I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

**Life as it is**

**Two**

**---**

**Saturday Night – On to the Tokyo University Alumni Grand Reunion**

Hi there guys and gals! Keitaro Urashima here! I'd like to express my deepest gratitude to those who were kind enough to stop by and leave a little note for me. I'm glad to know that there are people out there who still care about me. Ehem… enough of that.

While I fumble around looking for that ticket that I'm pretty sure I have forgotten to bring with me and left it at my hotel room although I vehemently refuse to admit my uncanny clumsiness, I made a decision to clear what true feelings I have for the girls or what feelings I think they have for me… I mean… it's bound to come out one way or the other, right? So this is the perfect time to deeply analyse (what a word!) these confusing emotions. Seriously… inside that Tokyo University celebration hall… I will have to face them - all of them (gulp) again.

First stop – Kitsune. Well… even though she never studied in Tokyo University… I bet Narusegawa would find a way to add her name on the invitation list, so I'm pretty sure she'll be there. Kitsune is – fun to be with. Seriously… anybody who knows Kitsune would definitely say – she's got the hottest body… the biggest knockers… and the most alluring charms. Sheez! I remember those days when I was still a 'kanririn' at the Hinata Apartments she'd do her 'thing' on me so she could squeeze some money out of me. And ofcourse! How can I forget that little game of ours – remember? I get to squeeze her breast in exchange for a free one month's rent! And mind you – hers was the very first breast I ever squeezed! (It's so sad to be a virgin… sniff) Honestly… what guy in his right mind would say it isn't fun?

But the burning question is – did I fell for her? Did I feel something for her? Kitsune did make me feel special in her own way even though she made fun of me all the time. And I would be lying if say I didn't fantasize her… gosh! Confronted with a pair of breasts like that every morning… who wouldn't! I could say she got comfortable enough with me for her to do things she wouldn't normally do… the excruciating tease… the first and second base scores (hey you guys! You should know what I'm talking about!)… her walking around me with nothing but her lingerie. I guess I felt that there is some sort of connection between us. Subconsciously. Although I never got used to her advances (if I could only collect the amount of blood I bled I could have run my own blood donation campaign) she treated me like a child. I was emotionally young back then (aside from my obvious virginity), I wasn't ready to face real or manly responsibilities… and I think that's what Kitsune was looking for… a real man. I wasn't man enough for her. To put it bluntly – I wasn't ready for her at all.

I wonder… would I be man enough for her now?

Next… let's see… how about Shinobu and Kaolla? Ehem. They were very young at that time. So I can honestly say that I love them like my own younger sisters (Oh come on guys! Don't give me that look! Even though we live under one roof I wouldn't even think about fantasizing cute little girls!). Although I have to admit… I have to be blind not to notice Shinobu's affection towards me… but I always dismissed it as a childish crush. Nothing unusual there… I was the only man (or boy) on that apartment. Same with Kaolla… as long as you can say that being punched and kicked all the time is a sign of deep affection. Seriously… I love them both like family. Shinobu and Kaolla graduated at the same time at Tokyo University, so you can only imagine how proud I am with them. I'm extremely proud of them.

Hmm… I just wonder… would it all be the same now that they've grown? Now that we've separated our ways and lived on? How would I feel around them now? They're not kids anymore – they've grown up… what was that old saying? That girls grow faster than boys… that to become a woman means to inherit wisdom and experience. I wonder…

Next… Mutsumi. I love her as a friend. That's it. To tell you the truth… whenever I think about Mutsumi I always remember the times we had together. I always feel that sadness in me… that unmistakable pang of guilt. She loved me. She cared for me. She wanted me. And what did I do? I dumped her for a lesser woman… for a girl at the thought of that… really. For me, Mutsumi is the embodiment of full womanhood. She's always smiling… her clumsiness is almost in-sync with mine… it's like we're made for each other. Gosh… just thinking about it now… I made a horrible mistake… how can I love someone else when there's someone who truly loves me right there in front of me. And I can't just go to her now and say – I'm sorry I should have chosen you… I made a mistake… I want you now… or something mushy like that. That wouldn't be fair for her. It would be wrong. As I remember… I just left her on the road by herself.

No. It would be wrong to say that I love her because there's no one else now. I can't just ask her. It will have to come from her, what she feels about me or what I mean to her. I just don't deserve her at all.

Next… er… Motoko. I like Motoko. Really. Seriously. Motoko is part of a rare breed of women. Women with strength discipline and innocence that is so seductive. Ehem… yes… its true… I did fantasize Motoko before. And I'm guilty as charged (Come on guys! Just look at her! Long beautiful legs, fair sized breasts, nice curves, strong and lovely face) There were nights back then when I would just lie down on my bed thinking of her body. Geez… don't you remember? I saw her naked more than once before. And the more she got angry about it… the more I actually craved for it. Sigh… this only show that I'm just a normal guy… right? (Come on… don't say that… I'm not a pervert! Well… not entirely!) They say that hate can turn to love with the test of time… well… in my case… I reckon Motoko actually hated me at first and so she physically abused me then after months of pure torture… she actually fell inlove hurting me! Nah… that's what I think anyway.

Seriously… I sometimes catch Motoko staring at me, it's probably nothing, but the way she's looking at me… it's… well… how can I say this… there's something in it. I started to notice… I think after my adventures at the Pararakelse Island. We actually became close after that… well… come to think of it… I almost married her. But the weird thing is… every time I look back at her she just blushes and look away… I mean… what's with that? I'm used to it with Shinobu… you know… Shinobu usually does that to me… but Motoko? Weird… isn't it? Well… I just brushed it away… probably because I have more pressing issues in mind at that time. Besides… she cleared things for me.

It was the night before my flight to the United States. Motoko came to my room… apologizing and all about coming in uninvited and such… I was meaning to talk to her privately about the way she's looking at me… I was extremely worried (because all that time I was wondering maybe she learned a new sword attack she'd like to try on me… whoa… I was shivering at that thought back then… it gave me sleepless nights!) Turns out… she just wanted to tell me that I have to make sure that I come back… I asked her why… she just told me that someone special will be waiting for me then she just took off.

Then after a while I realised what's really been going on. For them… Motoko, Mutsumi, Kitsune, Shinobu and Kaolla… I'm nothing more than just a personal property. Who? Narusegawa ofcourse. No matter how harsh she was with me… I'm basically a 'hands-off' person. If I thought they felt something for me… they automatically think that I'm no good… because of Narusegawa. Doesn't that suck? Even though I was treated lesser than an animal (being called a pervert all the time is not really my cup of tea you know) these girls think that I'm only for Narusegawa… that I should be lucky that Narusegawa even look at me. But really… as I think of it now… does Narusegawa deserve me?

And ofcourse lastly… what do I feel about Narusegawa? Yep… I was inlove with her. It took me two years to finally convince her that she feels the same way for me… although it's almost like I forced her into it. I don't know… I'm not really sure what's going on inside that lame brain of mine. But my heart was set on it. I actually believed that I love her… and I fought the odds for it. Only to realise that I was wrong all along.

Years of wasted time. So much emotional efforts gone. Who's to blame? My stupid fickle heart.

That's the past now. Atleast I kinda sorted out where I stand. I'll just have to face them once more and find out where I stand with them… or if I stand with them at all in my case. Geez… I can't be a loser all the time. A guy like me can always hope.

Now… JUST WHERE IN THE HELL IS THAT TICKET!

"Keitaro?"

A voice behind me. I turn around. And… whoa! I think I skipped a heartbeat. Seriously… for a moment there I thought I felt my jaw dropped to the floor.

It was Mutsumi.

And she looks heavenly.

Her beautiful long brown hair waving in the cold night breeze, her stunning flawless face with that lovely thick brown eyebrows, tin red lips. She's wearing a sparkly black dress, skirts down to her ankles, white silvery sleeves.

And for the nth time I blamed myself for not seeing how beautiful and breathtaking she was before.

She smiled. It almost knocked me off my feet.

"Ara! Hi there Kei-kun. It's nice to see you again," she said with the same calm and caring look she always gives me.

"I… uh… I…" I stammered. I couldn't concentrate properly. And to tell you honestly… I've never been with a stunningly beautiful woman before. She just looks different. She looks astoundingly gorgeous.

"Don't worry Kei-kun. I'm here to give you a ticket," flipping the ticket out, she handed it to me, "here you go,"

"Huh?" I looked down dumbly on my hands, "You mean… you…"

"Well… I know you'd forget it so I waited for you just around the corner over there," Mutsumi pointed a few yards away near the Tokyo University entrance, "and when I saw you start grabbing yourself… well… I knew I was right… Ara, ara!"

Oh Mutsumi… you know me more than I do… sigh... if only... maybe we could...

"Ara, ara… we better get inside now Kei-kun… everybody's waiting for you,"

"Everybody?"

"Yes… everybody's waiting,"

I gulp. And she probably saw the worried look in my face. I think I'm going to pass out. I don't think I'm ready to face them again. It's just too much for me… I…

Mutsumi moved closer and placed her arms around mine. Her gentle hands touching mine, reassuring and caring.

"Everybody's excited to see you again Kei-kun… it's about time we get together again like family. It's been a long time,"

Sigh. Fate will show her kind and cruel face to me tonight. And I guess I can't keep on running. I have to settle down somehow. The pain in my heart needs to heal. I can't keep on dreaming anymore… I need to live one atleast. There are no ifs… no buts. This is the moment of truth. What's it gonna be Keitaro Urashima? Will you be a man tonight? Love can be just inside that hall.

I nod. My eyes frowned into a conviction I could only feel inside my heart (although to tell you the truth my knees are shaking like hell!)

"Thank you Mutsumi," I sigh, gently squeezing Mutsumi's hand, "I'm going in…"

Wish me luck guys! Here we go!

* * *

Make the most of it Keitaro. I'm counting on you! Cheers!

nivremous


	3. three

I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

**Life as it is**

**Three**

**---**

**Saturday Night – Grand Reunion Hall**

TO ALL TOKYO UNIVERSITY ALUMNI WE WELCOME YOU! WELCOME TO THE TOKYO UNIVERSITY ALUMNI GRAND REUNION!

All I could say is WOW! Definitely… this is one of the most exciting nights of my life. Have you ever felt that massive anticipation? I could feel weird tingling inside my skin. I can't stop smiling at everybody. It's just like coming back home… only this time… there are heaps of people around you.

Everybody looks so – glamorous. I mean everybody's here looking their very best. Women are wearing sparkly, sexy, trendy dresses while the men are in their best formal or dinner suits. I myself am wearing my usual signature attire (when I say signature – it's something that most people would say – that's the Keitaro look /wink/) – black turtle necked long sleeves shirt and pants topped with white Armani coat. Oh well… what can you say? It's a simple fashion but I guess I don't really want to stand out like the others.

It's so bright. Flashy head lights were everywhere. The night breeze was pleasant, not too cold and just a tad warm, the night sky cloudless, moonless and clear, decorated with stars like diamonds. It feels so – romantic.

Sigh. I feel nostalgic just looking around. Can you believe it? I'm here. I'm back, here at Tokyo U.

Tokyo University. My dream… my passion. Everything started at Tokyo U… and maybe tonight… everything might end in it as well.

After passing the entrance exams at Tokyo U my life became heavily complicated. It was really weird. I thought that I was in a relationship with Narusegawa but then she confessed to me that she just wanted me as a friend. I should have let go back then… I should have taken it as it is… but my seething broken heart doesn't want to give up. I mean… can anyone blame me? Can anyone say – you did something really stupid? How can I teach my fickle confidence to believe in myself and just move on?

For so many years… Narusegawa had somehow made me feel a little hopeful… that will all my hard work… she'll learn to love me. And for so long I held on to that hope no matter how harsh she was with me, no matter how cruel she was with every little mistake that I do, no matter how many times she broke my mind, body and soul, I still loved her for who she was. I was afraid of letting go… I was afraid that if I give up I will have to start all over again with someone else… I was so afraid… will you let go if you've already given everything you have to that special someone?

But in the end… I became a broken man. I've had enough. I felt nothing… heart numb and emotionless with one ultimate resolve – I will leave Narusegawa and everything else that reminds me of her.

And so I left Hinata Apartments to study overseas for the second time. I packed my bag, gave Narusegawa and the other girls normal and routine farewells with promise to return and all (including Narusegawa's tearful episode… it almost melted my resolve but I held fast… I will not give in to her, not this time). I asked Narusegawa one last time – 'Do you love me?' and then she answered 'I will tell you when you come back,'

I never came back. I never looked back.

Until now.

Sigh. Yep. Everything started with Tokyo U… tonight… it might end in it as well.

"Is everything okay?" Mutsumi was looking at me with her usual charming smile.

I can't help myself but smile with her and I answered, "Nothing… I just feel a little bit… nostalgic,"

"Really? Well… Tokyo U hasn't changed much… except for few renovations and additional school buildings… although I must say… this place has become a little bit livelier for the past few years…"

"Oh?"

"Yes… students are becoming more and more active… they share their personal lives with the university… and so the head teachers provided additional recreational facilities to help them cope up with their ever changing moods…"

I don't know what came to me. I don't even understand why I did it. For some reason… I found my hand around Mutsumi's shoulders. Her face was a few inches away from mine… I could see the apprehension in her eyes… but all I could think of at that exact moment was her lips… her red thin lips… parted just a little bit. I drew in… braced myself… then I kissed her. Tasted her warmth.

But then reason came into my mind few seconds too late. I came to my senses… I quickly but ever so gently pushed her back.

"I'm so sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" I pleaded combined with deep bows, "I didn't mean to…"

"You didn't mean what Kei-kun?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Tell me what it is that you didn't mean Kei-kun?" Mutsumi was flashing her usual clueless smiles but I could see something different in her eyes. No. I could feel it.

"I didn't mean to kiss you…"

"Then what was that kiss for Kei-kun? Why kiss me if you don't mean to kiss me?"

"I… I…" Why? Why in the world did I do that? Why? Is it because I'm lonely? Is it because I missed her? Is it because I'm just plain desperate to feel wanted again… just like before? I closed my eyes. I couldn't look into Mutsumi's searching eyes. The truth is… I'm desperate for any sign of feeling. I was deprived of it for so long.

Narusegawa.

My God… it's all coming back again.

Why did I ever come to this reunion in the first place? I should have stayed in Massachusetts. I will only end up hurting everybody else.

"It's okay Kei-kun… I just wanted to know… that's all. You don't have to close yourself, you know, I've always been here for you," Mutsumi gave me light tap on my shoulder, "We better get going Kei-kun… I'm sure everybody will be glad to see you again!"

Mutsumi grabbed my arm again and literally dragged me.

We passed other friends that we've met before. Some school mates when I was still doing my second term. Professors and instructors that I've been with. Some additional constructions that weren't there when I left.

And finally I found myself looking at a collection of girls just behind the refreshments table. Actually… they were more like… women. And for the life of me… I couldn't recognize any of them.

"Hello everybody… look who's with me," Mutsumi shouted cheerfully securing her arm in mine making sure I won't have a chance to bolt out of her side.

Honestly… I was about to. I was doing that silly dance, shuffling my feet around. I feel so uncomfortable.

They turned.

I was astonished.

They have all changed.

"Sempai!"

"Hei there Keitaro!"

"I see that you have made it in time Urashima,"

"How's the flight mister former manager!"

For a moment I was at lost for words. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel. I feel happy, surprised and painfully embarrassed with myself. Here in front of me was a collection of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, considering that I've seen my fair share travelling around the world. But all the beauty that mankind and nature could give me was nothing in compared to what I'm seeing now. I just don't believe that they were the same girls that I've met at the Hinata Apartments before!

Shinobu has grown taller. Her blue hair is shoulder length, her face flawlessly pampered, wearing a very cute black dress complemented with a short skirt. She's looking at me with the same big lovely eyes and sweet smile.

Kaolla has grown taller too. Her blonde hair shoulder length, tied neatly in a bun, her fair brown skin glowing luxuriously. She's winking at me with the same playfulness she gave me before although this time her eyes were that of a calculating person.

Kitsune looks a bit more glamorous than her usual raunchy style. She's still sporting the short hair look, wearing a dress that shows her flawless shoulders. I bet any man she touched would quickly melt in her hands.

Motoko have absolutely flabbergasted me. Her black luxurious hair lay neatly down, wearing a black long skirt almost the same as Mutsumi's although hers have these intricate silver designs on the side. She's staring at me with a smile. Although… it's a different smile. It felt something… I just couldn't put my finger on it. But I felt it before. Weird.

I'm supposed to say something – something smart so as not to look stupid. I can't make a mistake in front of these heavenly girls. And so I feigned that I wasn't surprised with what I'm seeing now… cleared my throat a little bit and said the very first thing that came to mind, "Howsitgoingmate?"

WHAT IN THE HELL?

HOWSITGOINGMATE?

HOW STUPID AM I?

The girls were giving me that worried look. I was probably blushing like hell and at that moment I just want to crawl down on a hole on the ground and just die, if not for Mutsumi's strong hold, I could have bolted out of her and just disappear somewhere.

And so I just reverted to my old self (geez… didn't I just did that?) put my hand at the back of my head and laughed myself silly.

"Sorry about that! I didn't mean to confuse you… it's some sort of a… of a… a greeting that I've learned during my trip…"

Thankfully, Kitsune perked everything up, "Really? What country did that greeting came from Keitaro?"

"It's some sort of a country greeting from Australia…"

"Australia?" Kaolla asked while sipping her glass of champagne, decorated with a tiny banana on stick.

"You've been to Australia sempai… how is it in there?" Shinobu added, holding her glass of red wine.

"What was that drawl again? Haw-sa-go-wing-met?" Kitsune piped in, clearly amused on how everything turned out.

And so we started from there. Mutsumi felt a little bit trusting with me when we all started laughing about an episode that happened to me while I'm on my expedition at the Australian outback. She let go of my arm eventually and then returned to offer me a glass of chardonnay. It was becoming a pleasant evening after all.

You know… all that time, I couldn't help but notice Motoko looking at me. She didn't join our conversation; she just sat there, listening to our stories and all, just laughing along with us. She was awfully quiet. And what was the weirdest thing is that she's actually looking at me. Something's going on.

"Remember the time sempai always drop in at the hot springs when we're taking a bath?" Shinobu began a topic that wasn't exactly on my memorable list. But she was having a good time nevertheless, so what could a few embarrassing experiences do?

"Yeah… Keitaro usually gives this lame excuse that he slipped or something…" Kitsune flamed.

"Hei! That's not fair… I did slip! Honest!" I know it's futile but I should give it a try.

"Eh? Don't tell me you slip all the time? And only when we're around?" Kitsune laughed.

"Keitaro is a pervert… he always perv on us!" Kaolla doesn't seem to mind the implications of what she's saying and all the while I couldn't help but look around Motoko for her sword.

"Kaolla that's not fair! I honestly didn't mean to peek on you gals!" Oh well… it's worth taking a shot.

Then Motoko placed her glass gently down, looked straight at me and gave her first input of the night, "I think Urashima did nothing but fantasize all of us,"

"That's not it Motoko…" I said with a smile. I don't want to get into trouble again.

And there it was.

I saw it.

Motoko's actually smiling about it. She's just staring at me with a smile. Her lips thinned. Her eyes penetrating. I was mesmerised by her. And I also noticed the way she moved her hand on her exposed legs.

I gulped.

What's going on Motoko?

* * *

You better be careful Keitaro! Cheers!

nivremous

On behalf of Keitaro, thanks to all those who gave a review.


	4. four

I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The song written and sung by Steven Bishop. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

**Life as it is**

**Four**

**---**

**Saturday Night – The Dance**

Hei there guys and gals! Keitaro Urashima here! How's everybody doing? Me? I'm good… actually… I'm doing great! So far it has been an enchanting night… a night I could never forget. Although I could say that I've been with all sorts of people… have seen my share of company with interesting and coveted social circles… I could honestly say that none of them made me feel what I feel now.

I mean… I feel so… part of it. Part of everybody. It's really something. Here I am talking with the people that share my beliefs, my cultural tastes, languages… familiar words and the like every now and then… unlike my undertakings overseas wherein most of the time I find myself in constant shock at how different they are from me. In here… I am with my people.

It's nice to be home.

"Do you remember that girl I introduced you during my first year here at Tokyo U?" Shinobu asked Kitsune who quickly brightened.

"Yeah! I think her name was… uhm… Rei… wasn't it? How is she?" Kitsune asked while sipping here glass of red wine elegantly.

"You won't believe it but she's already married!"

"Really!" Kitsune said with a hint of shock.

"Oh… oh… I remember her! She's the gal with the funny eyes… short blue hair…" Kaolla added with girlish interest waiting and willing for Shinobu to say more.

"That's not nice Su… is that true Shinobu? Rei's already married? That's very surprising… from what you've told us before… she's a little bit shy around guys… and to think that she's actually accepted a proposal…" Motoko chirped in, moving herself closer to Shinobu.

That was weird. Motoko's actually interested with marriage and stuff. Well… now that I think about it. I did almost marry her once a long time ago. And for a moment I found myself outside their circle. The girls talking about the people they met before… someone they knew… someone who has been a part of their lives and still. Isn't it nice to know that you could still talk with them? That you could watch them grow. I felt a little bit jealous. I felt left out.

Overseas I met people I call friends but all of them just come and go like the seasons that passes in my life. Most of them rarely remember my name… but that's how it is. It's sad. I thought I have done something for myself when I graduated in America. I thought I've made a life I could honestly say successful. But the painful truth is. I just missed the most important part of my life that could make me grow – be with the people I'm comfortable with. It's tiring to keep on pretending that you're happy when in reality you just missed the crowd you're used to.

I felt so lonely.

"It's nice you know… to know that there is someone out there destined to be with you forever," Motoko sighed, sipped her glass of wine, looked at me for a second then looked away.

Then I saw Kitsune glanced at me for a fleeting moment then stared at Motoko and said, "You know Motoko… that someone could be sitting right in front of you,"

Then there was an awkward silence.

What was that all about?

What in the world are they talking about?

Women are so moody. One time they're chatting happily about somebody else's lives then all of a sudden there's a breeze of cold air… I mean chillingly cold air. What's up with them anyway? As I look around… Shinobu's avoiding my questioning eyes… Kaolla's staring at her glass with that sad look in her face… Kitsune's just staring off into space… and Motoko… Motoko's just seems a little bit distracted… why? I want somebody – anybody to fill me in. But somehow I got this weird feeling that they just hanged me in the air by my lonesome… WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON WITH THEM?

_Time… I've been passing time… watching trains go by… all of my life…_

The band started playing that old lovely nostalgic tune. I suddenly felt that pang of sadness within me. I don't know. Love songs like this one always make me feel a little bit down. I tried not to show how I feel.

Narusegawa used to love this song. She used to dedicate it to me.

_Lying on the sand… watching sea-birds fly…_

"Sempai?"

I looked up and found Shinobu staring down on me with a smile.

"Sorry Shinobu… I didn't hear you… I'm a little bit… uhm… there's something in my mind… sorry…" I stammered as usual. My only way out of this obvious and silly predicament.

_Wishing there would be… someone waiting home for me…_

"It's okay sempai… uhm… would you like to dance?"

_Something's telling me it might be you…_

"Uhm…" Shinobu seems enthusiastic with the idea although I'm not really all for it. At the moment all I wanted to do is be alone… this song just brings back too many painful memories of her… of Narusegawa, "I… uhm…"

_It's telling me it might be you…_

Shinobu gently held my hand and she forced me to stand up, her smile didn't falter. She just stared at me as she led me to the dance floor. Guided my hand on her waist as she put hers around my neck and whispered, "It's okay sempai… I'm here… we're here for you…" she leaned closer, "it's time to let go…"

_All of my life…_

And so we danced. I drowned myself in Shinobu's round lovely eyes… feeling her close to me… her sweet perfume engulfing me… and I ached. She has grown into a woman I have always wanted but never had.

_Looking back as lovers… go walking past… all of my life…_

"Shinobu… I…" I wanted to tell her how much I appreciated what she's doing for me.

_Wond'ring how they met… and what makes it last…_

She gently placed her finger on my lips, smiled, whispered into my ear, "You don't have to say anything sempai… I love you… I always have…"

_If I found the place… would I recognize the face…_

"And I will always love you…"

_Something's telling me it might be you…_

"But there's someone who truly loves you… someone who truly deserves you…"

"Huh?"

What does she mean? Who is it?

Narusegawa?

Mutsumi?

Shinobu closed her eyes, leaned closer and gave me a light kiss on my cheek. Then she let go. Bowed then left me on my own. My mind was still in clouds of confusion and I couldn't concentrate. Shinobu was so serious when she told me what I think she told me. I might have accomplished so much. But I'm completely incompetent in the matters of the heart. My only weakness… my only curse.

And as I look up. There she was.

Right in front of me.

Staring at me.

Unsmiling. Serious.

And breathtakingly beautiful.

Motoko.

_Yeah, it's telling me it might be you…_

I know. It's weird. Nobody would probably believe me when I say this… but at this moment I felt something I haven't felt for a long time. Something I have hidden deep within me as the waning years of my hard working days passed by. I have forgotten all about it. I have forgotten how it felt like.

Love.

_So many quiet walks to take… so many dreams to wake…_

Is this what I feel now?

_And we've so much love to make…_

Do I… love her?

_I think we're gonna need some time…_

Do I really… love her?

_Maybe all we need is time…_

For a moment, I don't know what to do. I honestly don't know what to say. I'm totally lost. Why just now? Is it really true? Is Shinobu telling me the truth? Are you the one Motoko? Do you… love me?

But why?

Why now?

_And it's telling me it might be you…_

I've been alone for so long. Drowning my self pity. Trying to sate the pain in my heart. Memories of Narusegawa that haunts me until now. How many nights have I lay down on my bed crying my heart out… missing the people I know terribly… trying to block her face… her smile… pretending to be strong… all those long hard years, trying to make a point.

_All of my life…_

Finally I found the strength to walk towards Motoko. Her expression unchanged. Unreadable. I don't know if she's upset or happy. I couldn't tell what she's going to do once I reach her. I'm not even sure what I would say.

_I've been saving love songs and lullabies…_

And then I reached her.

_And there's so much more… No one's ever heard before…_

We stared at each other for some time.

_Something's telling me it might be you…_

"Motoko… I…"

_Yeah, it's telling me it must be you…_

"Shinobu told me something and I…" I felt silly. I feel so uncomfortable. Could you just ask a girl about love? I know I couldn't, "I… I just want to know… if… if… I mean… what…"

_And I'm feeling it will just be you…_

Motoko just stood there looking at me. I could see sadness in her eyes. And she just waited. Just waited for me to finish. I could see her beautiful she was. Her lovely face, perfect eyes, thin lips, long black hair… everything about her just suddenly engulf me.

"I just want to know if… if it's you Shinobu's talking about…" I know I'm blushing like a bloated tomato.

_All of my life…_

Motoko's expression suddenly changed. Her eyes rolled almost in exasperation. I think she's annoyed to some extent. And I really think she's annoyed with me. Gosh… now I'm feeling really stupid. I wish I didn't ask her THAT question. How could I assume as much? I can't keep on thinking that every other girl around me is inlove with me? How foolish and arrogant am I? Things like these only happen in Anime or the movies… this is real life. This is life. Life as it is. When will I grow up?

Motoko stepped closer to me. Her scent almost melted me. I could smell her sweet breath. She whispered with venomous melody, "I'm sorry Urashima, I don't know where you got that idea… but to tell you frankly… I don't play a second hand game,"

And with that Motoko stormed out of me.

Again… I'm left alone.

I felt really foolish.

Gosh… I am really stupid with women.

"Keitaro…"

Huh?

A familiar voice behind me.

Why is my heart racing so fast?

Who?

I turn around and my world suddenly came crashing down on me.

I paralysed.

There she was. Looking at me with a smile I know too well. The face that gave me sleepless nights. The eyes that haunted me where ever I go. The one person I tried to forget and yet I couldn't. The one person I loved and yet have pushed me to my limits forcing me to leave Hinata Apartments and live overseas to start anew only to return with a wounded heart unhealed.

Narusegawa.

Why did I ever come here?

* * *

That's life Keitaro. Just hang in there buddy. Cheers!

nivremous


	5. five

I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

**Life as it is**

**Five**

**---**

**Saturday Night – Dinner at the Hall**

Hi there guys and gals… Keitaro… uhm… Urashima here. I'm sorry. I just don't feel good today. Actually I feel a little bit down and all. Forgive me. It's just that… the night just suddenly turned darker… you know? Have you had that irritating feeling that you just don't want to see a specific person? And that if you see that person it just saps all your energy… that's what I feel right now. All I want to do now is go back home.

Sigh.

The moment I saw Narusegawa few minutes ago I just found myself in oblivion. You know that feeling. That numbness… yeah… that's the one. All of a sudden I get this need to get out of Tokyo U. I guess that shows how much I hated Narusegawa. I avoided her. I didn't make eye contact. I just walked with the crowd when it was announced that dinner will be served at the Tokyo U Mess Hall. I mumbled some lame excuses when she followed me but I guess she got what I really meant when she just let me be. At the moment I don't want to talk to her. Geez… I don't even want to see her.

I'm not ready yet.

After eight long hard years. I'm still not ready.

Sigh.

When will I grow up?

Why did I ever come here?

What in the world am I doing here?

I'm really stupid. Earlier this morning I was at my parents' house rehearsing the things that I would say to Narusegawa. Things that I'd like to get off my chest. Isn't that the real reason why I'm here? To finally face her and say things that should have been said. To finally stop running. To finally come back and settle what should have been settled a long time ago.

I loved her. Yes. My mistake. And I paid for that mistake. Eight long years. Isn't that enough? Then why am I still running? Sigh. Maybe it's my fate… maybe it's some sort of eternal punishment for all the perverted sins I've committed (I'm a guy dammit!)

Well… here we are at Tokyo U Mess Hall where the dinner programme was arranged and served by the graduating students of Culinary Arts and Hotel Management Department showing off their skills as part of the course completion requirements. We're all here… Shinobu and Kaolla sitting by my left side… Kitsune and Mutsumi by my right… and by mere hand of cruel fate right in front me Narusegawa and Motoko. Could it get any worse?

"Ara, Ara… this is very nice… we're all here… just like before," Mutsumi said with a light clap. I could see that she's still cheerful as ever. Good for her.

"Yes! It's been a long time since we get to sit together as a family! Waiter! Pass me some banana vodka will ya!" Kaolla chirped in.

"Su… don't be like that!" Shinobu gently retracted.

I smiled at that. Shinobu's still gentle as I remembered. The sweet girl who couldn't hurt a fly even if she wanted to. I couldn't help it. I laughed a little bit remembering the times she's on the floor passed out due to too much emotional pressure. She's gotten stronger over the years though. And she managed to pull through. Sigh. I could have given the world to you my dear friend. Only if you've been born a few years earlier. I could have been a happier man.

"Is there something wrong sempai?"

"Huh?"

Damn. I got caught again. Shinobu must have seen me staring at her. Shoot! I hope I wasn't drooling! Damn! What the hell is wrong with me? So I professional passed my hand across my mouth just to be sure… geez! I shouldn't have done that! Now she's giving me that weird worried look! Am I a freak or what?

"Nothing… nothing," I said with my hands up in the air as if to say – I hide nothing! (Although it's pretty obvious in my face how embarrassed I am!)

"Can I take your order now?" The waiter came just in time! Good timing!

I sighed. I closed my eyes and just closed everybody off. I can't stand it. Everybody's acting normal but there's a weight hanging over our heads. I can feel it. And I can't stand it. As much as they try to look casual… trying to hide the intense emotional electricity, they can't block off their offhand remarks and actions; the stares, the cold glares.

For example – Narusegawa has been staring at me the whole time… and so is Motoko! Mutsumi's acting excessively casual (she's just too obvious! She's really bad at this kind of covering up thing… and she's only making it worst for me if not for everybody else concerned) and Kitsune? Kitsune's just smirking! SMIRKING for crying out loud… as if she's enjoying what's going on.

Sigh. I wish I could get away from here.

"By the way Keitaro… how long are you staying here in Japan?"

Everybody froze. This is the first time Narusegawa spoke the whole time we're together. And she chose exactly this moment as if to test me. I look up and I found her round eyes staring at me, giving me that testy look as if to say – I dare you to ignore me in front of them because if you do there'll be a hell to pay! Everybody's waiting. Everybody seemed to have stopped breathing. And Kitsune looks a little bit apprehensive.

I looked down and grabbed the menu folder on the table, I tried to answer as casually as she did, "I'm flying back to America tomorrow afternoon,"

Narusegawa was about to say something but Mutsumi was kind and quick-witted enough to stop the fire from spreading, "Ara, Ara… that's a little bit too early don't you think Kei-kun? Can't you stay any longer?"

This time I looked up to Mutsumi and I smiled, "I really wanted to but I have a meeting with the board of directors on Tuesday morning. I'll be meeting my colleagues on Monday afternoon for final briefing… so I'm quite tied up really… I just came here to… uhm…"

Now I made a fool of myself. I don't know exactly why I'm here in the first place. And I can't tell them that I'm here to finally settle the score with Narusegawa. That's just too pathetic.

"Naru-chan? Hei! How's it going?" A stranger came loping down on our table.

The guy has a black hair and brown skin. I don't know him and this is the first time I've seen him. For some odd reason he talks a little bit too friendly with Narusegawa. What in the hell is going on?

"Oh! Mervin! How are you?" Narusegawa stood as if to meet him and that Mervin guy just kissed her on the cheeks in greetings.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

WHO IN THE WORLD IS HE?

WHY AM I ANGRY?

"Sorry… Mervin, I'd like you to meet my friends… uhm I believe I've already introduced you to Kitsune. This is Mutsumi... Kaolla… Shinobu… and that's Keitaro,"

The guy just smiled at us and bowed, "Nice to meet all of you," then he turned to Narusegawa again, "So when do you think will I get an answer?"

Gosh! Narusegawa's blushing! She's actually blushing! What in the world is going on? This is the first time I've seen her like this and she's acting strange. I mean really strange. What's going on Narusegawa?

"They've been dating for months now," Kitsune whispered.

Then something snapped.

I'm not sure what it is. But something finally snapped inside me. Call it whatever you like… but for me… I'd say that I'm finally devoid of feelings. It didn't matter anymore. Hatred, jealousy… hope, they all vanished into thin air. I can't feel anything at all. Nothing.

I stood. My abrupt movement surprised everybody but I don't really care. Not anymore. I'm staring at Narusegawa… actually I'm staring past her. My face might have disturbed her because for a moment I thought I saw a hint of worry in her. But that doesn't matter too. Whatever hopes I have an hour ago… whatever feelings I've been trying to ignore… they all vanished. All I could think of at the moment is – to get out of here. To get out of Narusegawa actually. It's the same thing when I left Hinata Apartments eight years ago… but this time its much more intense. Probably because before I was still hoping that she would change… all I ever wanted from her was an apology… I was actually ready to forgive her and come back. That's how much I loved her back then.

But now? No. I'm sorry but I can't feel anything for her. And I'd really like to get out of here now.

"Are you okay Keitaro?" Kitsune was asking me over and over but her words don't have meaning for me. I could hear her yet my brain doesn't want to understand her.

"I… I… I just want to… to… get some… fresh air…" I mumbled. Everybody's staring at me. And I don't care.

I walked out of the mess hall. I hope I didn't look like a beaten man. But I held my head up high. I feel nothing.

I don't care.

After walking aimlessly around the Tokyo University building for what seems like an eternity, I found myself leaning on a big rock facing a pond. I found solace in here. The clear night sky riddled with stars twinkling in the dark. In here… I buried myself… cleared the immense weight in my mind and heart. The pain would start again soon. The pain of abandonment… of loneliness. I would have to start from scratch again. Whatever emotional grounds I earned during my eight years of exile overseas… it just crumbled the moment I saw Narusegawa… and the wound just got deeper when I found out that she's dating another guy.

Am I just jealous? No. This is not jealousy. It's just finality. My heart's probably going to different levels of shock trying to cope up with what I'm experiencing right now. Poor heart of mine. I though I healed you… I was wrong. Now we've got to carry another weight of failure. Narusegawa just rejected us and our eight years meant nothing to her. That's the painful part. It meant nothing to her. To the point that she moved on with her life... while we got stuck in the past picking up the broken pieces.

Damn. I'm such a loser.

All I have was her memories.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

"You're here…"

Huh? I literally jumped a few feet from the ground. I swung around and was even more surprised to find that it was Motoko. She's carrying a plate of food. She walked towards me, threading carefully.

"Motoko… what are you…"

Motoko smiled at me and raised the plate, "I brought you food. You should say thank you, you know,"

That's odd. Motoko smiled. That was the first real smile for the whole night that I've been here at Tokyo U. What is she doing here? Why is she here? Did they send her here to comfort me? But that's usually Mutsumi's or Shinobu's job… what's going on?

"Well… uhm… thank you then… now… can you tell me why you're here?" I accepted the plate with a bow and then I faced her waiting for answers.

She just stood there looking at me. The clear night sky illuminated her beautiful face. Even in the dark she still looks gorgeous. She could make any man she chooses really happy. You're a lucky bastard whoever you will be.

Motoko faced the pond and whispered, "I just thought that you might need somebody to talk to,"

I sighed.

"I just want to be alone," It's brutal and rude but it's true. I just want to be alone.

I heard her sigh.

"You really love her don't you?"

It took me a moment to answer, "I guess so…"

"Are you angry with her?"

I pouted. Trying to understand what I really feel, "Nah… not really… just disappointed,"

"Why?"

"I just thought she'd change… I just thought I'd finally make her realise how much I meant to her in her life. But I guess I was wrong all along…"

"So you think you wasted time on her?"

"Not really… I've been expecting it actually I just don't want to believe it not unless I see it. It's a futile attempt I guess. I'm just afraid that's all…"

"Afraid? Afraid of what?"

"I'm afraid that no one would give me a ghost of a chance the same Narusegawa gave me years ago… I really thought that we have something there… some sort of connection. That's why I stayed by her side even though she's obviously brutal with me… I mean… you know that…"

"I know…"

I sighed again.

Motoko looked at me, "So… do you still love her now?"

I don't know how or what to answer that, "I'm sorry Motoko… I don't know… I really don't know…"

"I see…" Motoko faced the pond again, "I'm sorry for what I said before… I didn't mean to…"

"That's okay… it's understandable… I always have that effect on women," Geez man! That's not something to brag about!

Then silence.

The wind was blowing.

The beautiful hum of night insects echoing into the night.

We're alone here away from the glamour and excitement of the Tokyo University Grand Reunion.

And I don't want to go back yet.

"It's true though…" Motoko suddenly said, I'm not really sure if she's blushing, "Shinobu's right,"

It took me a long while to finally understand what she's saying.

And I felt that long lost feeling again.

Love.

Please God… let this be real.

* * *

Whoa! You better handle this carefully Keitaro! Don't screw this one up! Cheers!

nivremous


	6. six

I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

**Life as it is**

**Six**

**---**

**Saturday Night – The Garden**

They say that most reunions reveal unfulfilled promises, hopes and desires. I've seen and heard something like that before during my high school reunion years back; stories about ex-lovers coming back together, hidden affections revealed to some clueless person, secrets uncovered and explained, repressed signs of love finally shown, acts of random honesty and kindness completed without hesitation. There's something about people gathering again after years of separation. It brings something out in each and everyone of us – that irresistible unseen hand of obligation to finish what we have started underneath the dark clouds of notion that if we don't do it now we would never have a chance to do it again… with the same crowd… at the same place… with the same atmosphere.

Of course, I've never been into such privileged situation. I'm just your average guy who graduated without honours, with fewer friends who could properly remember my name and with no promise of estranged love. I didn't have anybody before. I didn't have a girlfriend to share a tear of separation. I had nothing.

Until now.

Strange. Life is indeed just like a wheel… sometimes your up and away from the ground then suddenly your in deep shit (pardon my choice of word… but… oh heck... there's no better word for what I've been through anyway!)

Fate has its reasons. I was deep into the ground with no other hope of climbing out but pure pain of resentment then I found myself looking at something extraordinary (for me I guess... but I'm glad. I'm really glad.)

Here I am alone with one of the most beautiful women I'd ever encounter in my entire sorry life, talking to me, telling me things that I could only dream (and even if this was just a dream, I'd gladly play my part and never wake up again.)

Motoko.

Her hair flowing sinuously into the cool night breeze, her face alight with unreadable mass of emotions, her eyes staring into the blackness of the pond. I was mesmerised by her sheer beauty. I stand here staring at her like she was some sort of an angel sent down from heaven.

I smiled.

Motoko glanced at me for a moment then returned her gaze to the pond. She has something in mind. And I think I understand. It must have been hard for her to say something she wouldn't normally say, especially not in front of the guy she deemed lecherous and perverted. I sighed. Her words were more than I deserved. She's a true friend. I will not let her embarrass herself more than she is now.

"It's okay Motoko. You don't have to… say anything… or say something like that…" I sighed again. I realised that I might have worried everybody so much to the point that they convinced Motoko to pull such an incredible stunt as to tell me that she loves me (Oh heck… that's what I think she's telling me anyway… strike me down if I'm wrong… and I really think I am!)

It was a dream after all.

"You're here listening to my stupid and childish whine… that's more than enough to console me…" I turned towards the pond, shaking a little, feeling that loneliness creeping deep into my skin. The pain would start again soon. "I really appreciate what you're doing. I'll be fine… see… hahahahahaha!" I laughed with my hand at the back of my head.

Motoko turned towards me. I could see sadness in her eyes and her face showed kindness that nearly broke my resolve. "You will never change… Urashima," Motoko suddenly reached out for my left hand.

I stopped abruptly, caught off guard with such kind gesture. Tears welling up my eyes… I willed myself not to cry.

"You're still the same guy who would rather carry the burden of pain alone than let it be shown to anyone… even to your close friends," Motoko was oddly reflective.

Oh God… please Motoko… please stop.

"You're still the same hopelessly romantic guy who would do everything for the ones he cares the most. Such strength to carry enormous heart ache. A true decent and honest man. That's who you are Urashima. Narusegawa is a very lucky woman,"

STOP IT!

I couldn't help it. I turned away from her. Tears streaming down my face. The pain finally broke through all my defences… all my pretensions. I felt ashamed for being so weak in front of a strong woman who could say beautiful words of comfort to me. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her words. I don't deserve anything.

I failed with Narusegawa.

I failed all the girls of the Hinata Apartments.

It's been so long.

"Please Motoko… I… I just need to be alone for a moment… okay… please?" I said through my tears. I was begging her. "Please… I just want to be alone…"

I felt Motoko moved closer to me. I could smell her sweet fragrance. "I won't leave you Urashima… you've been alone for eight years… I…"

"Leave me alone!" I shouted. And I felt sick to my stomach doing that.

Then silence.

The cool wind of the night breezed through.

"The first time I saw you… I thought you're just like any other boys I've met before. Lecherous and perverted. With nothing in mind but to take advantage of young and pure innocent girls. I hated men. I hated everything about men,"

I heard her sigh.

"That's why I trained to be the best swordswoman there is. I don't want to be deemed weak. I wanted to show to all lecherous perverted men that I could be as strong as they are… even more with sword techniques I have learned from years of training. That was my personal vendetta…"

A pause.

"Foolish. I was just a child back then. My emotions locked within me never to be allowed to roam outside for fear that I might lose concentration. I never felt any for I have closed myself to everyone else but my own foolish endeavours. My sister tried to change that but it only intensified my hate. That's why I lived at the Hinata Apartments to get away from her girlish or worldly views,"

My tears stopped. I was caught in her story. I knew all of it… she shared it with me… with all of us before. But there's something in her voice that attracted my attention. It was… different.

"And then I… I met you. Everything changed. You… you were different. You're incredible strength to withstand all my attacks intrigued me. Then you're unfazed determination to pass the Tokyo University entrance examinations even after several failures strike me as extremely odd. Failures does not hinder you… which for me was something new… for me failure means death. Well… that's how we were taught to think at the dojo. But you… you keep bouncing back with even more determination. And your actions most of the time fascinated me. You fail then you run away… then you come back and start all over again,"

I found myself looking at her. She was staring at the pond with a small smile at the corner of her lips. I could feel that she's back in time reminiscing those nostalgic days of innocence and adolescent self discovery.

"And I learned so much from you. You taught me that it's alright to be weak sometimes. That there's nothing wrong in showing tenderness… to trust in one's self even after failures or several attempts… that failure is not the end but just the beginning. I started to open up and feel. For the first time I felt something… and the weirdest part is that I felt something… for you…"

What? Now… that's something new. I never heard this side of the story… what's going on Motoko?

"I… I felt something I haven't felt before. I watched how you dedicated yourself to Narusegawa. How you endured all her cruelty… all her punishments… while dreaming of the day you'd marry her. I know it was foolish and childish but deep within me… I knew… I… I wanted the same thing. I felt jealous. Extremely jealous with her. I don't understand how she could be so harsh with the one man willing enough to put up with all her childishness. It was unfair. I think that's what attracted me to you Urashima… I wanted that loyalty… that kindness… that unselfish love…"

Motoko turned towards me. We stared at each other for a while.

"Motoko… I…" I don't know what to say. I really don't know what to say!

Then Motoko turned towards the sky and sighed deeply as if she has resigned herself to fate. Her eyes closed, whispered, "Yes… its true. I fell in love with you. Shinobu knew for she was there to abate my tears. And I waited for you. I waited for you for so long…"

Wait! Is that what Motoko meant before? She told me to come back because someone special will be waiting for me. I'm so sorry… I didn't know! If only I knew… I could have healed… we could have started anew.

I walked towards Motoko but she stepped back. There was something in her eyes that stopped me from getting any closer.

It was pain. Sadness. Loneliness.

What have I done?

"No. Please Urashima understand… I… I don't want to be like Narusegawa. I'm not like Narusegawa at all!" Motoko's eyes clouded with tears and in that instant I felt sorry for her. I hated myself even more for being so dumb… for not seeing what's in front of me. It shouldn't be like this!

"Motoko… I'm so sor…" I tried to say.

"I'm sorry too Urashima," Motoko turned around. A hand on her face, covering her eyes. Then she fled into the night.

It took me a few seconds before I realised what was going on. A few minutes ago my heart was in ruins, now I felt something I haven't felt for a long time – hope. Utterly gratifying hope of love. And if I'm lucky… true love.

Oh Motoko… why just now?

And so I ran after her. I ran for that promise of a new life with someone who loves me. I felt that with Motoko. I felt something special. And I won't let her go. Not this time around… I'd do anything… everything!

I stopped. I found myself in an unfamiliar place. A garden. My mind was in confusion thinking of all the things Motoko has said and so I didn't actually saw where I was going. But I have a feeling that I've been here before. I'm not sure when.

"You finally found your back bone Keitaro?"

There was something in that statement I couldn't ignore. It's nothing short of an insult.

It was Kitsune.

She was smirking at me.

And so I waited for her to continue.

"Honestly Keitaro… I'm getting really tired watching you. You're getting really boring lately… and I don't know what's going on at that empty head of yours…"

Watching me? What in the hell are you talking about Kitsune?

"What do you…?"

"Oh be quiet wimp. For crying out loud make a decision already!"

That insult blew a fuse. Its one thing to be insulted by a stranger but to be verbally harassed by a friend like this was more than I could bear. I've hand enough of her games. This joke's getting lame. Couldn't she think of a better thing to do?

"Kitsune… do you have a problem with me? Because if you do you better…"

"Yes I do,"

"What?"

"Didn't you hear me? I have a problem with you,"

A pause. I was waiting for more. But she just stood there staring at me with such insolence that could have forced me to bitch slap her.

"Well? So what in the hell is your problem with…"

"You irritate me,"

Gosh that's fresh! That must be the most ironic statement I have ever heard. Not only with the odd circumstances but what that simple response represents. Me? Irritating? What in the world did I do to irritate her?

Kitsune crossed her arms and as if seeing the obvious question in my face she continued, "When you left eight years ago so many have changed at the Hinata Apartments. We waited for you. Naru, Shinobu, Su… and apparently Motoko too. And what did you do? You just left us on our own while you straddle yourself out there thinking of no one else but yourself. You selfish freak… did you know what your sudden departure did to us? To my best friend Naru? She cried. Yes. She cried for nights and nights on end,"

What in the hell? I didn't know that. I didn't know Narusegawa could cry on my account. She didn't cry when I was hospitalised because she broke a rib or two after hitting me with one of her Naru-punches. Feh… you learn something everyday.

I kept my thoughts to myself. I could feel an impending argument to erupt anytime soon and I'm not ready to have one especially with one angry Kitsune! I have better things to do. I've been through this road many times before. I've had enough of it.

"There are women waiting for your return Keitaro. There are women who love you. If you've been a man with a back bone before you could have settled everything a long time ago instead of postponing everything and leaving everyone with a big question mark on their heads,"

And then I understood. My mind was racing but with all the tensions everywhere I finally understood what Kitsune was really trying to say. I felt the same way with Narusegawa before. I remember being this upset only to die down with one of her inconclusive promises. But unlike Narusegawa, what I would say would come from my heart. And I would mean every word.

I approached Kitsune without fear. I was expecting her to do something harsh… a slap in the face, a kick or maybe a shot on the chin. I wouldn't mind if she did… that would only lessen her anger. And I'd rather talk properly to a less annoyed Kitsune than the one staring at me now.

She never looked away. She just stared at me as I drew closer to her. I placed my hand on her shoulders and stared deep into her eyes. She's alluring as ever.

"I'm sorry. For everything I've done to you. But I can't do anything with what happened before. All I can do is treasure what's left…" I leaned towards Kitsune's ear (God she smells heavenly! They all smell heavenly!) And then I whispered, "besides… it wouldn't have worked between us anyway… you're way out of my league… I don't stand a chance," I meant what I said.

Then I quickly drew back. It was a gamble. Because if I was wrong… if I made a wrong assumption… that will be the death of me!

And she didn't do anything. Her eyes were closed as if in deep contemplation.

That was surprising!

Then she opened her eyes, her demeanour changed, "Finally. What took you so long to tell me so? Anyway… what's done is done. I'm just glad we're done with it. Atleast now I know for sure… where I… where I uhm… stand in your heart. I was hoping… uhm… waiting excruciatingly for you. I knew but I wanted to hear it directly from you. Sorry about the things I said before,"

Kitsune's dress pronounced the very fine swelling of her breasts. And I ached. Did I do the right thing? I was staring at her dumbly. She saw that and she couldn't resist. She walked closer and pressed her chest on mine. Man! I'm sweating like a pig! (Ehem… figure of speech?)

"You could always take back what you said and choose me instead…" Kitsune whispered soothingly.

"Sorry Kitsune… uhm… it wouldn't be right… and… and as I told you before… I don't stand a chance! I don't think I'd last more than a minute with you!" I pleaded.

"Oh… that's okay… as long as you can keep on at it for a long while, I wouldn't mind few minutes interval breaks…"

I almost passed out with that last one… images of Kitsune's naked body flashed through my head especially with her soft breasts pressed against me. I pressed my nose to stop it from bleeding. And she noticed my… uhm… my… stiffness (ehem… figure of speech?)

Kitsune laughed and this time it was a genuine one. I'm glad. She drew back from me and turned serious, "So… you're finally going to tell how you really feel with Naru? Are you finally going to make up with her?"

It took me a moment to answer and when I did I was confident. I knew what I feel. I took a deep breath, "Yes. It'll be settled tonight but… I… I don't think it will be what you expect…"

"Oh?" Kitsune leaned closer, interest glowing in her eyes, "So will it be someone else? Who is it then?"

I smiled at her. I felt happiness inside me. I felt hope. I remember Motoko's kind words to me. Her smile.

"Just somebody…" And a special one too.

Kitsune stared past me. I turned around and suddenly I found myself in oblivion again.

Narusegawa.

Narusegawa walked closer to us and spoke with tenderness I haven't heard for a long time, "Keitaro… we need to talk,"

I gulped.

The moment of truth has arrived.

It will be settled tonight.

"Yes. We need to talk Narusegawa,"

Wish me luck everybody!

* * *

Good luck Keitaro! Love's just around the corner! Cheers!

nivremous


	7. seven

I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

**Life as it is**

**Seven**

**---**

**Saturday Night – The Garden under the night sky**

I'm not sure what it was. But I could feel something's coming on my horizon. All of a sudden the sky was darkened by cluster of clouds. The wind became colder. And in my heart I could feel a sad foreboding.

Narusegawa has been staring at me for quite a while now. We're alone here at the garden under the cloudy night sky. I don't know what to say. I glimpse at her every now and then, feeling her eyes boring through my skin. She looks as engaging as I remembered. Her long brown hair lay neatly down, wearing a black dress that exposes her flawless shoulders.

I could feel my heart beating.

I sighed.

I haven't changed.

I haven't changed at all.

I'm still a slave to her beauty.

No matter what I try, no matter what I do.

"Keitaro…" Narusegawa began. She avoided my eyes as if what she's about to ask was embarrassing, "Why did you leave us?"

I sat a few meters away from her. I stared up in the sky and watched the clouds. I sighed again, "You know the answer to that… I need to finish my studies overseas and gain additional qualifications,"

A pause.

Narusegawa glanced my way, "I mean… really… why did you leave us for so long?"

Well… there's no point holding back. I was planning to tell her everything, right?

I stared at my shoes, "I hated you…"

Silence.

I could feel her eyes on me again. I could feel her shock. I didn't look at her. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes. Her questioning eyes. For some odd reason… I don't feel anything. A long time ago… such ideas wouldn't even cross my mind, no matter how much she tortured me. But now… it's different.

Perhaps Narusegawa understood why. Perhaps she knew that I was finally at the end of my straw. Being constantly cruel to somebody doesn't really put you on the good side. And God knows I have put her on my good side long enough. I've had enough of her.

"I hated you so much…" I continued. I could feel it again. That pain. That sad lonely feeling. Desolation. "I left the Hinata Apartments so I could get away from you… and forget everything about you,"

"And did you?"

I don't know what to answer that. Then I looked at her. She was staring at me with a searching look that almost broke my heart. It was the look that I fell in love with. That promising look of love. And all of a sudden… I felt happy. I've waited for so long.

"I couldn't," I confessed.

Then Narusegawa looked away. "Why did you come back Keitaro?"

"I… I… I'm not really sure why…" and that was the truth. I'm not really sure why I'm here. To finally settle what has not been settled eight years ago? No. It's more than that. It's more than just a broken promise. A broken future.

Narusegawa blushed, "Mervin… the guy from before… uhm…" she was having a hard time to continue, "Mervin has been asking me to marry him,"

Silence.

It was more than I could bear. I felt anger. Part of it I finally understood, the real reason why I was invited here at Tokyo U.

I tried to control my feelings. I don't want to show how much that last statement affected me. I looked away and breathed slowly. And when I finally spoke… I spoke with thin calmness, "So… that's why you wanted me here… right? So you could finally end this… so you can have the last laugh!"

I'm not sure what it was. But rage broke through my weak grasp.

"That's not it Keitaro," Narusegawa stood and tried to comfort me.

But I just blew it, "FINE! IS THIS IT? IS THIS HOW YOU WANT IT? SO YOU COULD TELL ME THIS AND LAUGH AT MY FACE! THEN LAUGH! LAUGH NOW!"

I was shaking with anger.

"LAUGH AT ME NOW! DO IT NOW! COME ON! I FLEW A THOUSAND MILES AWAY DESPITE MY SCHEDULE SO YOU COULD FINALLY LAUGH AT MY FACE!"

Narusegawa was tearful, "Please Keitaro… please… it's not what I meant…"

"IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME ANYWAY! I GAVE YOU MY ALL! I LOVED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! I DIDN'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME! FOR EIGHT FUCKING YEARS I TRIED SO HARD TO FORGET YOU! AND NOW I COME BACK JUST SO YOU COULD FINALLY LAUGH AT MY FACE!"

Narusegawa just sat in the corner of the garden and cried.

But I wasn't done yet. Eight years of anguish came flowing out of me. That deep resentment locked inside, the pain that has been hurting me for so long. Nothing has changed. It's still the same game.

"YOU WIN! ALRIGHT! YOU FUCKING WIN! I GIVE UP! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU WANT FROM ME! I DON'T FUCKING CARE! IF YOU WANT TO HURT ME, FINE! HURT ME NOW! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR DAMMIT? HURT ME NOW!"

Then I cried.

I cried because what we have… no… what I had with her was lost. I tried so hard. For so long all I could think of was her. I was hoping with all my heart that she would change. That she would finally realised that I mean something to her. Even a little… I don't ask much. I just wanted a little recognition. Gratitude maybe? No. Just a simple appreciation should be enough.

But for her to be this kind to a stranger is… for me is just too much. She ignored me for so long. Denied me the love that I craved. And for a stranger to be comfortable enough to ask her hand for marriage is almost an insult to what I've been through. I was wrong. I was wrong all along.

Damn… I'm such an idiot.

Then silence.

The clouds flashed. The wind blew colder and harder. It's going to rain.

I looked around. I found Narusegawa huddled at the corner staring into space. I felt a pang of guilt. I didn't really mean to hurt her. And I don't want to see her like this. We've been through a lot. And I guess… she's still a good friend. The question is… will I let her be a friend after this? I'm not sure. Probably after tonight nothing will ever be the same. Well… things have changed a long time ago ever since I fell in love with her anyway. I just made a mistake… that's all.

I walked towards Narusegawa. I felt ashamed to what I did, "I'm so sorry Narusegawa… I didn't mean to…" I whispered. I couldn't even say what I did.

A pause.

A gust of wind.

Then after a while Narusegawa sighed. She wiped her tears, "I… I heard that you kissed Mutsumi…"

I sat beside her now. I kept my mouth shut. I'm not going to apologize for that.

"Keitaro… you… you're very special to us. You know that? Shinobu, Su, Mutsumi… even Kitsune and Motoko… they all love and adore you in their own way. You touched our lives and changed us. And I… I'm not really sure if I could take that. I'm not even sure if I deserve you at all. It seems all I could do is hurt you. I felt so jealous with the others… it's like everyday with you is a constant competition for your attention… and maybe… I… I just couldn't take that kind of pressure…"

I sighed. It would have been different.

"I… I felt that anybody else but me would be good enough for you. I tried so hard to forget you. But every time I meet somebody… I just couldn't help but compare them to you Keitaro. And the sad part is that… you're not like any of them at all. Most of the time I found myself hoping you'd come back to me. And sometimes I just dream that we'd just ran away from all of this and just be together… forget about Hinata Apartments… just the two of us,"

Why just now Narusegawa? Why?

"And Mervin… asked me to marry him… and I was scared. I didn't know what to do…. I've been waiting for you… but you just disappeared on us. That's why I wanted to see you again. I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know if you still love me… because… I… I still do…"

I gently placed my arms around Narusegawa and she leaned closer. She buried her head on my neck and cried again, whispering all the while, "I missed you so much Kei-kun… my Kei-kun… my Kei-kun," she held my hand tightly, afraid to let go.

Then it rained.

I looked up at the sky and let the rain soak me. Narusegawa didn't seem to mind. We just sat there at the corner of the garden, the rain wetting our clothes, hands together, her head on my shoulder, my mind in confusion.

What should I do now?

Could we just move on after this?

Will everything be the same?

I'm so confused.

It was the love that I've been dreaming of for a long time. And yet, now that its finally here… why don't I feel any better? What does it mean? Am I just fooling myself? Is this true love?

Beside me is the love that I knew. The love that I dreamed of. Comforting. Familiar. But somewhere out there is another love. A new love that is as promising as its scary. A new love with no assurances. A new person to be with.

Who should I choose?

It is as if... if I choose one from the other... I might be missing someone very incredible... that I might miss the one true love meant for me.

And if I should choose one from the other… what should I say? How could I just ignore someone's feelings?

Narusegawa drew closer. I felt her warmth beside me. She shivered and whispered, "I love you so much Keitaro…"

Help me… anybody… please! What should I do now?

* * *

Just follow your heart Keitaro... although I'm not sure what your readers and reviewers would say about this. And better get out of there soon man before you and Naru catch a cold! Catch you later! Cheers! 

nivremous


	8. eight

I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

**Life as it is**

**Eight**

**---**

**Saturday Night – The Hinata Apartments**

Have you ever been on one of those magical nights that just don't seem to stop jumping surprises at you one after another? I'm certainly in one right now. And my inexperience at such emotionally charged events only increased my discomfort. I could feel a variety of sentiments that was so confusing that forced my brain into a meltdown and my heart into a cold shutdown. It was both exhilarating and worrying… and it tortured my broken soul to a higher degree of pain.

I'm so confused.

Help… somebody… anybody! Please!

"Just what in the world are you two doing out there?"

That was Mutsumi. She's been at it for almost half an hour now. Scolding us like children caught doing something extremely bad and deserved severe punishment. It was a good thing that she didn't have some sort of a wooden stick or a baseball bat with her. She could have hit us in the rump while we shriek for forgiveness.

A funny thought though.

"You two could have caught a cold! And look what happened to your clothes!"

Mutsumi almost gagged with fury when she caught us sitting in the corner of the garden, our clothes soaking wet, shivering in the cold. She quickly dragged us to a girl's shower room nearby and fetched a couple of towels. And now here we are… Narusegawa and I… under a bundle of towel, our heads low, staring at our wet shoes while Mutsumi gave us a litany of horrible incurable sicknesses that we could have contracted if we had stayed longer under the freezing night rain.

Narusegawa sneezed.

"See! See what I mean? If you two could have just used your common sense you would still be dry and would be feeling much better!"

Narusegawa stifled a laugh, bowed low and spoke like an injured child, "I'm so sorry Mutsumi-chan… we're just caught at the heat of the moment that's why…" she almost retched with embarrassment realising too late that she gave more information than she intended to, "I mean… er…" looking at me for support, I sighed.

"I'm so sorry Mutsumi-chan… it's all my fault… I wasn't just in the mood to go anywhere than to be where we were… so… we just stayed there… I hope you understand…" I bowed low hoping that Mutsumi would just let it go.

I looked up and found Mutsumi, her arms across her ample chest, scrutinizing us with a mixed look of worry and care.

Then Narusegawa jumped and clapped her hands like a little girl, she smiled, "Good thing I kept a decent dress in my office in case of emergencies just like this one!" she stepped towards me and gave me a sound kiss, "I'll be back in a minute Kei-kun…" she smiled wider and whispered, "… my Kei-kun," before leaving.

I sat there with my head hanging in the air. I still couldn't get it into my head what was happening and I guess the look in my face was quite weird and amusing that it sent Mutsumi into giggling fits. I screwed my eyebrows in an attempt to show her that it's not funny. Well… I tried… and yes… it's not funny at all!

What's wrong with me? Why can't I be happy now? Why?

Something's missing.

I sighed.

"Are you happy now Kei-kun? Now that you have finally settled with Naru?" Mutsumi began scrubbing my head affectionally with a dry towel. I let her massage my confused and aching mind.

I didn't say anything for a while. We just sat there like that, Mutsumi beside me rubbing my head while I stare down on my dripping shoes. I think she felt my reflective mood and so she didn't say anything.

Silence.

"I'm not sure… Mutsumi… I'm not really sure…" I said finally.

Mutsumi paused.

"For years I have thought of no one else but Narusegawa. Actually… it went as far as paranoia. I'm not sure what went on inside my head but every time somebody gets too close to me I just gently push them away as if I'm afraid that they might do the same rejection Narusegawa gave me. I hated her so much to the fact that everything that I do reminds me of her simple silly ways… God… how much I missed her… the more I hated her… the more I actually craved to be with her… I loved her yet… somehow I hated her too… it's weird…"

A pause.

"I have nobody else… maybe because I chose that kind of existence… to be alone… to be haunted by the ghosts of the past dreaming of a happier life. I built a wall between me and the outside world. Sure… I smile, joke around with people, a few dates and all… but in reality… I return to my cavernous empty apartment to meet the same sad loneliness I have been trying to endure for the last eight years. It's both a punishment and reward for the things I've been through with Narusegawa,"

A long sigh.

"Nobody walked through that barrier of mine… save one…"

There's only one person in my mind.

Her long hair.

Her beautiful eyes.

Motoko.

_I'm not like Narusegawa at all._

Her words. Those were her last words. The weird thing was that… her words actually went through me. I actually heard it… unlike so many others who had tried to comfort me during my lonely days overseas. I felt something. There was meaning in it. And yet… I'm afraid. To start all over again. It would be too tasking. Too risky to lay my already broken heart into the fire again.

I sighed and paused, listened to the heavy rains outside, "I wish I could see the future Mutsumi-chan… I wish I could be sure that I'm doing the right thing…"

A pause.

Then I found myself between Mutsumi's arms, my head wrapped inside her soft comfortable bosom. I felt her trembled.

"You have to move on Kei-kun… stop living in the past. Your time stopped when you left Narusegawa eight years ago… you have to start again. Do not be afraid of what you might lose… for the truth is that you're just starting to gain something again. Narusegawa found a way to love you after those years when you left us… but in return you have to find a way to love her back… it doesn't need to be the same way she loves you… it could be anyway you want as long as you're happy. That's the important thing… that's all that matters… as long as you're happy,"

I'm not sure what it was. But somehow… my heavy laden brain understood what Mutsumi was trying to say. I never thought I'd be this lost with myself.

Then Mutsumi kissed me on my forehead and let go, stared at me with the same caring eyes, "Don't be afraid to start again. Yes… you will feel loneliness from time to time and have to battle differences… but still… it's a decision YOU make because YOU felt it,"

Somehow it made sense.

I screwed my eyebrows again and this time I felt ashamed of what I'm about to say but then again… I couldn't stop myself anyway; it just came out easily, "You know Mutsumi… I can never understand why I can't just love you back the way you love me…"

Mutsumi laughed at that and after awhile she spoke with seriousness, "I love you because you let me love you the way I do… and that's enough for me," she reached out and touched my face, whispered, "the way you look at me now… I wouldn't want it any other way… because… you're MY Kei-kun,"

We stared each other for a moment. Something inside me was released. I knew what she meant. And she somehow opened a locked door inside my heart. I'm free. And it's time to act.

I smiled at Mutsumi. I grabbed her and gave her a long, sloppy, wet kiss in her cheeks that made her squeal with both delight and disgust.

"EEEEEYUCH KEI-KUN!" Mutsumi shouted with a wide smile.

I drew back and watched her wipe her cheeks with a towel, "Thank you Mutsumi-chan… I understand now… thank you…"

Mutsumi looked back at me, "Go get the girl Kei-kun… and make her happy,"

I nodded once and then dashed for the door. I didn't mind the rain and let it wash my face as I ran across the garden and into the Tokyo University main entrance. There's a place I wanted to be. And I really wanted to try. I could fail… yet… it's something I'd like to do.

Then across the first building I bumped into Narusegawa.

She was dressed in a simple long skirt and long sleeved blouse that pronounced her excellent body curves. She took my breath away for the nth time that night. She's truly breathtaking to watch.

I stopped and I tried to say things I wanted to say but I couldn't, "I… I… Narusegawa… I…"

Then I guess Narusegawa understood what was happening. I could see a tear trace down her rosy cheeks but her face remained impassive. She tried to smile, walked towards me, reached for my hand and whispered, "I'll wait… I know you'll come back to me… just…" she looked away, unable to hold back, "Just… be happy… and I… I'm really sorry for everything…"

It's more than I could take. I don't want to see her like this. I hugged her tight and then quickly let go. I could feel the confusion in my heart again. But I made a decision, "I'm lucky to be loved by someone like you Narusegawa… and even if I lived for a hundred lifetimes… I'll never deserve your beauty and your intelligence… I'm sorry…"

Narusegawa looked at me for the last time and whispered, "I'll wait…" then she walked away.

I stood there for a moment trying to heal another wound that I know would start to haunt me for a long time. But then again… someone would heal it for me and start a new. Then I ran again.

Towards the Hinata Apartments.

---

I found her staring at the night sky at the front balcony of the Hinata Apartments.

Her long hair flowing into the night. Her deep blue eyes as dark as the night. Her features as perfect as any I've ever seen. For a moment she didn't seem to notice me then finally she looked down on the stone path.

I was looking at her with wide eyed admiration.

Motoko.

"I'm very clumsy…" I started. Although I'm not really sure if what I said was wise… but I guess it's some sort of a reminder of who I really am.

Motoko smiled, "So I noticed Urashima…"

"I always trip on women and I sometimes accidentally walk into them while they're taking a bath…"

"We're still debating whether it's accident or pure ingenious acts of perversion Urashima…"

"I'm not very good with the sword…"

"I could teach you…"

"I like turtles…"

"I could live with one…"

"You're beautiful Motoko…"

A pause.

I'm not sure if Motoko was blushing.

But I think she was.

"I'm not sure I could say the same about you…" Motoko replied with a wide smile.

Then silence.

"I love you,"

There. I just said it. And I felt a lot better saying it. It sounded right. I feel nothing more but a warm sensation inside me. So this is how it feels like to be inlove. I waited eight years for this. And it's worth it. It's worth the long harsh wait.

"I love you too,"

And that's all I needed to hear.

I dashed inside the Hinata Apartments and took the stairs two steps at a time.

In less than a few seconds I found myself standing in front of the woman I love. I'm standing before the woman that has broken all my emotional walls. I'm standing before the woman who made me realise what was missing in my life for a long time.

I want her.

I need her.

I love you Motoko.

Breathless and shaking with pure anticipation I grabbed her, my left arm snaked around her waist, my right arm on to the small of her back.

I stared deep into her eyes. I drew her closer to me.

I could see happiness.

"It took you long enough Urashima…" Motoko said, reddening under me.

"Yes… it took me long enough… Mo-chan…" I whispered.

Then I kissed her. I started slow then sensing her need, I went deeper and more aggressive until I heard her moan, her body trembling with excitement.

I drew back to catch my breath.

She was so beautiful.

"So… your room… or mine... Kei-kun?" Motoko whispered with a seductive smile.

"Huh? So… who's the pervert now?"

But then I found myself carrying her to my room without another word.

My world has never been the same.

**The End**

* * *

**Author final words**

This is a celebration of true emotions as I felt them. This is my way to connect with people who had been through the same process. Most words that were used I have given to my friends and loved ones. In this last chapter Keitaro's reality ended but here my own fantasy began.

Oh yes… I could tell you now on behalf of Keitaro and Motoko that they experienced a lot of pitfalls in their life but atleast they managed it _together_. And they're both happy. Extremely happy. There are stories behind it ofcourse… but it's for Keitaro to decide if he wants to share it or not… well… you let him know.

**Dedications**

To all Keitaro's reviewers. To all fanfiction writers and reviewers. And to Jello, Joanne, Nadia and Kath, the Hinata Apartments tenants in my life that I wished I have known much better if I had only stayed longer; I shouldn't have left you for overseas.

Catch you all later on my next fanfic! Cheers!

nivremous


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